Oh, Jaylen

It all started last week with Jaylen being sick. He has school Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, but missed all of them last week because he had a high fever. He didn't eat well and was pretty tired most of the week. By Saturday, the fever was gone, but the crabbies were starting to set in. I was gone on the Santa Express bus trip (super-fun shopping trip with 8 busloads of women to Seattle!) so we had hired a babysitter for Saturday night while Geoff went out for dinner with his dad's family for his unlce's 80th birthday. So when I got home Saturday night, babysitter Paige said Jaylen wasn't very good for her (usually Jaylen is pretty good for everyone but his parents, so this was odd). Then we had the time change. Sunday morning Jaylen was about the worst he's ever been in church, and actually bit Geoff towards the end of the service. We went home and he took an almost 3 hour nap. Sunday night, he was still pretty crabby, and yesterday my mom said he's never been that naughty for her (again, he's usually good for other adults). This morning rolls around, and he tells me, "I'm going to be really good today, Mommy." Sounds good. Well, that lasted all of about ten minutes before the backtalking and fighting with his brother started. Then, he was waiting for the bus at the entrance of our cul-de-sac, and I couldn't find my shoes so I was standing in the driveway and yelled goodbye to him. He wanted me to go there, and started crying, so I told the busdriver to just go (after walking on the cold, wet pavement in my socks). I knew once we hit this point, things would only go downhill. So I took Jaylen to school, and we did his parent-teacher conference we were supposed to do Friday but he was sick. Well, when Mrs Wells told him we were going to go out of the classroom for a few minutes for the conference the tears started all over. She talked to him and then he was fine... then when we were done talking with him, he went back to the class, and his teacher and I talked for a few minutes. Then I heard him crying so she went in there, and I left.

I wondered how things were going to go after him being off school for a week. The same thing happened when he was in preschool, after a break of a week or two, he would have a hard time going again.

I know that some kids can have the same thing and some people probably wonder why this is so draining to me. But as Jaylen's mommy, it just make me sad when he's having such a hard time with something. Routine is so huge to people with autism, and Jaylen is no different. Every parent wants their child to be happy, and I don't mean the "buy your kid every candy and toy they want so they'll be happy" kind of happy. I just mean the run around and play with other kids, laugh, and smile kind of happy. Jaylen has those times, but so often he's just so NOT happy. He's very negetive and this morning I saw it in how he interacted with Dominic (his friend at school). Dominic asked him if he had hot lunch today, Jaylen said no, and Dominic asked if they could eat their cold lunches together. Jaylen got a scowl on his face, and said "No, I don't want to do that again" and stomped off. I feel like this fragile friendship won't last if he's going to be like that, and honestly it makes me want to cry. Just a few weeks ago, I posted on Facebook how good it is to see Jaylen playing with other kids and making friends at school (Dominic and Dale). I'm sure Jaylen will get past this negetive/crabby period of time, but right now... it's tough. Things are just harder with Jaylen. Because when Jaylen goes through a time like this, I know part of it is related to autism. I love Jaylen, and I want him to succeed and by happy and most of all to love God. That's another thing that scares me. I know he's only 5, and sometimes he talks about Jesus and heaven in a good way, other times he doesn't. So I guess the point of my dis-jointed little (ok, not so little) post here, is, well, partly to vent, but also that maybe people could pray for Jaylen. Pray that he can overcome some of his difficulties with school, pray that he can be happy, and most of all pray that he would some day love Jesus.

Sometimes when I talk about the things Jaylen does, people will say that their kids do that too, or lots of kids do those things... But with Jaylen it's different. Part of it is knowing he has autism (no matter how mild) and those other kids don't. It's like a tantrem times ten. Talking back times ten. Crabby times ten. And the fact that I want Jaylen to be like other kids, but in some ways, he's just NOT. And I have to be OK with that. I think of the serenity prayer often!

Anyhow, if you've actually taken the time to read this whole post, thanks. :) And thanks for praying for our Bubba. We love him so much and want what's best for him!