Well, let's see...

It's hard to remember what has happened since my last post since it's been so long... But, some things ARE happening and I have this urge to get some feelings down in words. In my last post I mentioned Geoff's shoulder surgery. Well, he outdid himself this time and got himself a double TLIF (spinal fusion) with 6 screws and 2 rods in 3 vertebrae, plus a laminectomy in the disc above. He was in surgery for 7 hours, and spent 3 nights in the hospital. He's back to work now and doing way too much in my humble opinion. :)
Last November Geoff and I attended classes to become foster parents. It's a long process... we just got licensed in July, and that was because we got lucky and got a lady from another county who licensed us quickly. Our fostering journey began about a week after we got our license. We took care of a 6 month old little boy for 10 days while his foster family (from our church) went on vacation. We had so much fun and I just loved taking care of a baby again. Then 3 days after he went back to his foster family, we took our first placement, a little 5 month old baby girl.
It was a little bumpy at first. You know, nothing like an ear infection to kick off a new family for this baby girl. Great way to get settled in. :) But, we are falling in love with her, and she is doing so well in our home. She is thriving. She is growing from the tiny little peanut she came as. She is smiling. She is giggling. And she loves us.
She has been in our home for almost two months now, and I didn't realize just how quick I would get attached to this fiery little lady. And it hit me today. Her social worker mentioned the goal of placing her with a sibling (who we are probably going to take), but that the sibling's home might be able to take her in a couple of months if we couldn't take the sibling soon. WHOA. Wait a minute. I'm supposed to be able to keep her for a few more months. I think I kind of panicked internally. What would I do if they take her away soon? I'm not ready to give her back yet. Then I met Baby Girl's mom. Can I tell you my heart went out to her! The social worker told her this would be a good time if she had any questions for the foster families. She just teared up and said she just wants to know that her kids are taken care of. I wanted to hug her but I didn't think she would want a hug from me, the lady who gets to cuddle, feed, change, bathe, play with, and nurture her baby. But I told her she is doing so well, she's smiling lots and happy. We are loving her and taking good care of Baby for her.
This was one of those situations that is so hard to know what the right thing to say is. I wish I could have told her that I can't imagine how hard it must be for her to not have her children with her. I would be such a wreck if my kids went to live with another family. Obviously there are issues or she would not have the children taken from her, but I'm trying to be empathetic.
Now, I realize that this is kind of what we signed up for - foster care is meant to be temporary. Yes, we do want to adopt but we knew going into this that there are no guarantees and that in this case, there is a good chance she will go back to her mom.
But.
It's still going to be hard.
But.
I'm still going to love her. Snuggle her. Play with her. Nurture her. Because that's what she needs, whether that's making it harder for me to give her back or not. And when (if) the day comes that she moves on from our home, I will cling that much more to the Lord. Because He loves her even more than I do, and He knows where her life will take her.